The Ultimate Mistake
by Longing for Oblivion
Summary: Mac had thought he could never hurt the woman he loved, but when an argument gets outta hand he gets overwhelmed by self doubts. (The real summary was too long so you can find it inside!) Please R&R! Just so you know - this is a drama, so don't expect any fluff...
1. Prologue

_**Discs.:**__ I don't own anything but my stories!_

_**Summary:**__ All through his adult-life, especially after joining the NYPD Mac had despised men who let their anger out on a woman. Always believing he could never do such thing his faith in himself gets put to the test when he and Peyton have a fight and he ends up hitting her quite badly. __While Mac is haunted by guilt and self-doubts due to what he did Peyton shuts herself off from almost everyone - but will this really be the end for their relationship?_

_**Pairing:**__ Mac/Peyton_

_**Genres:**__ Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Friendship_

_**Spoilers:**__ General spoilers for season three up to somewhere between "The Ride-In" and "What Schemes May Come"_

_**Warnings:**__ Violence, OOC behavior_

_**A/N:**__ Yet another new story I had already on my mind for quite a while. Actually I first wanted to make this a Flangell story, but then I figured it would be more interesting to make it a Pac one. One other thing - I'd like to thank Marie Poe for helping me with this story quite a lot by telling me her opinion and giving advice - not to mention all the encouragement I'm getting from her regarding my stories... Either way, I hope you will like it!_

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**The Ultimate Mistake**

_Prologue_

Yelling at Peyton he felt how his growing anger was getting more and more the better of him.

"That's not what I'm saying, Mac - and I'm _**not **_jealous!" Peyton started to retort,

"After all, I know you love me, I know she's a good friend of yours, she was there for you after Claire died, but still... Why do you care so much about her? Why is it that whenever she comes to you with something that bugs her you drop everything and the whole world's upon your..."

While Peyton spoke something inside of him snapped and before he even fully realized it his left hand shot up and Mac's eyes widened in surprise as his hand connected with the smooth skin of her right cheek.

As he hit her Peyton gasped and in the sudden silence the sound of the slap seemed only that much louder. To Mac's great shock the force of the blow was not only causing her head to jerk to the side, but was also enough to knock her off her feet and he watched in pure horror as Peyton fell. He wanted to reach out and get a hold of her, wanted to catch her, but he felt like he was frozen - he simply couldn't move.

There was a low thud as her head hit the coffee-table, followed by a pained wince from Peyton. His eyes trained on Peyton Mac hold his breath, still feeling paralyzed, as a million thoughts were racing through his mind.

He wasn't quite sure how much time had passed, though it had probably only been seconds, when Peyton rose to a slightly sitting position.

A moment later she turned onto her left side, slowly raising her head to look at him, and Mac couldn't help drawing in a sharp breath as he caught almost immediately sight of the laceration next to her right temple, the blood running slowly down her face...

He felt the urge to rush over to her and check if the injury was as serious as it looked, to draw her into his arms and tell her how sorry he was, that he hadn't meant for this to happen. However, something kept him from doing either of those things, so instead he just looked at her.

Seeing how she moved to get up he thought about stretching his hand out and helping her, but once again he hesitated, fearing that she would push his hand away if he acted on the impulse.

After she had stood up Mac tried locking eyes with her, but she refused to look directly at him. Unable to stand the silence any longer he said softly,

"Listen, I'm..."

"Mac, don't." Peyton interrupted, her voice barely more than a whisper yet nonetheless raw with emotions, still not looking at him she added,

"Just don't." With that she stepped around him and headed to leave.

Without much thinking Mac turned around and followed her. When he had almost reached her he got softly a hold of her left wrist, causing her to stop and turn slightly back around. As she lifted her head and looked at him he could see that she was fighting with tears, her lips quivering.

"Peyton, please don'..." He started but trailed off as he saw a tear roll down her cheek, and after another second or two he released her arm. He didn't want her to leave in this state, but what else should - could - he do?

He had already caused enough damage to their relationship, he didn't want to make things even worse by trying to make her stay - not that he could blame her for wanting to leave after what he had done in the first place.

It would be better if she left, right? After all, they could probably both use some time to think about what had happened - about what to do...

Watching Peyton walk away he bit his lower lip, wishing he could turn back time and change what had happened.

At the sound of the door he let his head hang and released a heavy sigh.

Closing the door behind her Peyton let her head and shoulders hang. Her eyes were burning with the tears she still hold back, but even though she knew that it was a losing battle she wasn't willing to cry.

However, as she stepped out of the building and walked over to her car the first few tears broke free. By the time she had gotten into the car and had fastened the seatbelt her body was shaking violently due to her sobs and she leaned forward, her hands on the steering-wheel while her forehead was resting on her hands.

When she had calmed a bit down she eventually turned on the engine and drove away, still sobbing, her vision slightly blurred by her tears.

_Some time later:_

Knocking against the door in front of her Peyton bit her lower lip. She could hear movement on the other side of the door and felt the urge to turn around and leave, but before she could act on it the door opened and Hawkes was standing in front of her.

At the sound of a knock at his door Hawkes took a quick glance at his watch and seeing that it was already past midnight he frowned slightly while heading to the door.

Opening the door a surprised expression crossed his face as he saw who it was.

"Peyton..." As she lifted her head to look at him he gasped,

"My God..."

"Sheldon... I... I..." Peyton started, her eyes filling once more with tears and she bit her lip. She took a shaky breath, trying to keep herself from crying, and whimpered,

"I'm sorry, for... for bothering you so late, but..." Her voice broke as the tears broke free once more.

Drawing her quickly into his arms Hawkes shook slightly his head no and told her,

"It's okay, Peyton, you're not bothering me, really..." He paused for a moment, pulling back he added,

"Come in."

After closing the door a few seconds later he put his left hand softly at the small of her back and led her to the couch in the living-room, then he offered,

"Why don't you sit down? I'll make you some tea and while the water is boiling I'll take a look at that wound, okay?"

Seeing her nod slightly he turned around and headed to the kitchen to get the water boiler ready, before he left and went to get back to Peyton, making a detour to the bathroom to get the first-aid kit.

When he re-entered the living-room Peyton was still crying, though her sobs were slowly subsiding.

Crouching down in front of her he took a short glance at the wound, before opening the small kit he had put down on the coffee-table and got the desinfectant and soaked a pad in the clear liquid.

As he started cleaning the wound Peyton flinched and squeezed her eyes shut, but remained silent.

After cleaning the skin around the wound from the blood he took a closer look at it, then he told her,

"Well, it doesn't seem to be deep, so it won't need stitches..." He paused and after another careful look he applied a band-aid, then he instructed,

"Look at me." As she opened her eyes and looked back at him he checked her pupils and asked,

"You're in any pain?"

"A slight headache..." Peyton answered slightly reluctant.

"Do you feel nauseous, or dizzy?" Hawkes continued.

"A bit..." She admitted.

At that he nodded slightly and stated,

"I'd say you've got a light concussion..." He remained silent for a moment then he wanted to know,

"What happened, Peyton?"

_Tbc_

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_**A/N:**__ Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it! Please do me a favor and take the time to REVIEW!_


	2. 1 Nightmares

_**A/N:**__ After deciding to take my time with this due to the lack of interest in the prologue of the story I FINALLY got this chapter done! Either way I hope you're gonna enjoy reading the new chapter!_

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**The Ultimate Mistake**

_1. Nightmares_

After a moment of silent contemplating Hawkes wanted to know, his voice soft,

"What happened, Peyton?"

At that Peyton let her head hang, squeezing her eyes shut. A short time later she looked back at Hawkes, her eyes glistening with new tears, but instead of saying anything she only bit her lower lip.

For a moment Hawkes simply looked at her, studying carefully her face. Just as he was about to speak up again he heard how the sound of the water boiler was getting louder and straightening up he asked,

"You're okay with peppermint tea?"

Seeing Peyton nod he went to the kitchen. While preparing the tea and getting a cup Hawkes couldn't help wondering if he would be able to get Peyton to talk. When the tea was ready he released a low sigh, filled the cup with tea and taking it he headed back to the living-room.

After handing the cup to Peyton Hawkes observed her quietly for some time, studying her appearance for another time. Eventually he broke the silence and asked once more,

"What happened, Peyton?"

Peyton remained silent, staring down at the cup of peppermint tea in her hands. After a moment she muttered,

"I suppose, you won't believe me if I told you I slipped and fell?" Trailing off she looked up at him.

He shook slightly his head no then he stated,

"Listen Peyton, I'm not gonna push you, but you know you can tell me, right?"

For a moment Peyton let her head hang, giving a slight nod she told him quietly,

"I know, Sheldon... But I..." Raising her gaze she went on,

"I don't wanna talk about it... not right now..." Peyton bit her lip, fighting with tears.

Seeing a tear roll down her cheek Hawkes took the cup from her hands, placing it on the coffee-table he sat down next to her and wrapping his arms around her he said softly,

"Shh, Peyton, it's okay..."

"I just..." Peyton muttered, her tears breaking free, and she leaned her forehead against the top of his chest.

Hearing how Peyton started crying Hawkes pulled her closer and repeated quietly,

"It's okay, Peyton."

Squeezing her eyes shut she buried her face in his chest, her hands clenching tightly his shirt to either side of her head. Soon her entire body was shaking violently due to her sobs and Hawkes drew her even closer.

Winding the fingers of his right hand into her hair Hawkes started to stroke softly her back with his other hand. Whispering soothing words to her he rested his chin atop of her head, a sad expression upon his face.

When her sobs started to slowly subside a few minutes later Hawkes pulled slightly back. Moving his right hand to her face he wiped softly the remains of her tears away.

For a while Hawkes simply looked at her, noticing the exhaustion in her eyes he eventually broke the silence and suggested,

"How about you try to get some sleep?"

After a short moment of thinking Peyton nodded slightly, but didn't say anything. Letting go of Peyton and getting up Hawkes stated,

"I'll be right back."

Peyton gave another nod and watched him leave the room, quickly getting lost in her thoughts after he had disappeared in another room.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed when she snapped out of her thoughts as Hawkes returned. When he stretched out his hand she simply took it and got up. As soon as she was standing everything around her began spinning and she closed her eyes. Feeling Hawkes put his arm around her she opened them again and smiled weakly.

"Come..." With that he led her to the bedroom.

Entering the room he stated,

"I put clothes you can wear in the bathroom." He pointed at an open door to the right and seeing her nod he left.

Watching Hawkes leave Peyton yawned softly, then she padded into the bathroom. After closing the door she walked further into the room, immediately seeing the navy-blue t-shirt and dark sweat-pants, which were lying over the rim of the bathtub.

After taking off her shirt Peyton turned slightly around and put it onto the rim of the bathtub. Straightening up and turning back around she froze when she looked into the mirror over the sink. Taking a look at her reflection Peyton's eyes welled up with new tears as her mind went back to what had happened earlier and she squeezed them shut.

Opening her eyes again she continued with undressing, before grabbing the t-shirt and pulling it over her head. One look at the sweat-pants was enough for her to tell that they were too big for her so she didn't bother trying them on and simply went back to the bedroom.

Peyton had just laid down and pulled the sheets over her when she heard Hawkes return. Turning onto her right side and sitting up she saw that he was carrying a tea-pot and a cup. Watching him put both down on the nightstand next to her she got momentarily lost in her thoughts, before muttering,

"Thanks..."

"No problem, Peyton..." Hawkes stated, smiling at her, then he added,

"Goodnight."

Just as he was about to leave Peyton spoke up, causing him to stop and turn back to look at her.

"Sheldon..." As they locked eyes she muttered quietly,

"Stay..."

He noticed the need in her voice as she said that one word, the pain, and saw the pleading expression in her eyes, so he told her,

"Okay... I just go and change, I'll be back in a minute..."

Hearing that Peyton relaxed slightly, a relieved smile appearing on her face. A moment later Hawkes left and she laid down, turning back around she curled slightly up.

Peyton was already beginning to drift off to sleep when Hawkes laid down next to her a few minutes later. As she felt him put his right arm around her Peyton relaxed a bit more and a tiny smile crossed her face.

A few minutes later Peyton turned toward Hawkes and looked at him. For a moment they locked eyes then Hawkes said quietly,

"You should really try to get some sleep, Peyton."

When Peyton nodded slightly in response he drew her closer, causing her to close her eyes and lean her forehead against his chest.

After some time Hawkes turned onto his back, and as Peyton snuggled closer and rested her head and left hand on his chest he put his left arm around her waist.

Feeling how Peyton relaxed as she drifted off to sleep a relieved expression crossed Hawkes' face, being glad that she was getting some rest, and tried to get some sleep as well.

* * *

_Without much thinking Mac turned around and followed Peyton. When he had almost reached her he got a hold of her left wrist, causing her to stop and turn slightly back around. As she lifted her head and looked at him he could see that she was fighting with tears, her lips quivering._

_Stepping closer he lifted his free hand to her face and kissed her. As Peyton pulled away he tightened his hold on her wrist and closing the space between them he attempted to kiss her for another time._

_Peyton retreated, trying to free her wrist, causing Mac to tighten his grip a little more, before leaning in to kiss her again._

_Pressing her free hand against his chest and trying to push him away, Peyton stated,_

_"Mac, don't..." When he ignored her and pulled her closer, she added a little louder,_

_"No, Mac, let go of me!"_

_However, instead of letting go of Peyton Mac turned around and started dragging her to the bedroom._

_"Let go of me, Mac!" Peyton repeated, more demanding this time, still trying to free her wrist from his tight grip._

_Once in the bedroom he pushed her onto the bed, before bending down and kissing her, his hands resting on her hips. A moment later he reached for the button of her pants, quickly undoing it along with the zipper._

_After he had removed her pants he kissed her once more, before reaching for the rim of her shirt and pulling it off. Dropping the shirt he bent down to kiss her. When she turned her head away he got a hold of her chin, forcing her to look at him he gave her a harsh kiss._

_Deepening the kiss he reached around her and undid the clasp of her bra and removed it quickly. After discarding the bra to the ground he bent down and kissed her again, before reaching for the rim of her panties and starting to pull them off._

_As he had removed them he kissed her hungrily, before he straightened up and moved to unbutton his shirt. However, he had only opened the top button when he stopped, an angry expression appearing on his face as Peyton attempted to get up. Before she could even fully sit up he stepped closer and slapped her forcefully into the face, sending Peyton back down on the mattress and causing her to draw in a sharp breath._

_For a second or two he simply looked down at Peyton then he went back to undoing the buttons of his shirt. After taking the blue shirt off he quickly dropped it on the floor, then he pulled off his white t-shirt before unbuckling his belt and undoing the button and zipper of his pants._

_Once he had taken off his clothes he stepped closer to the bed again and leaned down, kissing Peyton harshly, before joining her on the bed. Abandoning her lips he trailed kisses over her throat and collarbones, letting his fingertips brush over her smooth skin as his hands traveled slowly down her body._

_The lower his hands wandered the more Peyton struggled to push him away, to free herself. As his hands reached her hips and he brushed with the fingers of his right hand over her upper thigh her eyes filled with tears and she struggled even harder._

_"No, Mac, stop! Please don't..." Peyton pleaded, desperately trying to make him stop._

_Ignoring her protests he forced her legs apart and entered her roughly, causing Peyton to let out a pained wince and tense up. Starting to thrust into Peyton Mac attempted to kiss her, but Peyton turned her head away, causing him to hit her again. Grabbing her chin with his right hand he turned her head so she was facing him, and kissed her forcefully. _

_Deepening the kiss he started thrusting rougher and harder into her, increasing the pace. A moment later he let go off her chin as he broke the kiss to catch his breath, before kissing her on the side of her throat. Nibbling at her soft skin he let his hands roam over her body._

_Getting aware of how close he was he increased the pace a bit more, his thrusts becoming even rougher and harder. As he came he kissed Peyton harsh onto her lips. _

_When he rolled off her a moment later Peyton turned away from him, curling up, and he heard her quietly cry. He knew he should feel bad, that he should feel remorse for what he had done, but there was nothing..._

Mac woke with a start, gasping for air he bent over, trying hard to regain control over his breathing. He could feel his racing heart hammering so hard that it almost seemed as if it wanted to crack his rib-cage open and jump out of his chest. As his breathing started slowly to return to normal Mac opened his eyes.

His mind still racing he tried telling himself that it had been just a nightmare, but found that that fact was only a mere comfort as his thoughts drifted off to what had happened the passed evening, to what he _**had**_ done and he let his head hang again.

For a couple of minutes he just sat there like that, before getting up, having come to the conclusion that he won't be able to go back to sleep any way.

After a moment of consideration Mac put on a pair of sweat-pants, a dark t-shirt and a black fleece-jacket and left his apartment, hoping that going for a run might help him to get his head free.

* * *

After a while Hawkes released a low sigh and opened his eyes again, having to admit that he had quite a hard time relaxing with Peyton being so close. His mind was racing, considering that her proximity caused old feelings to resurface. Well, it wasn't like they had been involved, but the truth was, when Peyton had first started working at the ME's Office he had fallen head over heels for her. However, considering that they had quickly become very good friends he hadn't told her, having come to the conclusion that it was better that way, that he didn't want to destroy their friendship due to a crush.

Eventually Hawkes pushed those thoughts aside, after all, he had gotten past those feelings years ago and more importantly she was seeing someone, well, not just someone, she was with Mac - his boss...

At that thought Hawkes frowned slightly, wondering once more why Peyton had come to him instead of going to Mac. But then again he knew Mac, he knew that he would go up the wall because of this, that he would get totally obsessed with finding whoever had hurt Peyton.

A second or two later Hawkes shook his head and coming to the conclusion that he should better get some sleep instead of thinking this much about all those things he sighed quietly.

_The next morning:_

As she slowly started to wake up Peyton simply kept her eyes shut for a little longer, a part of her hoping that what had happened the past evening had been nothing but a nightmare. Feeling the warmth of somebody next to her Peyton snuggled closer, assuming in her still not fully awake state that it was Mac and taking a deep breath she inhaled the faint, familiar scent. However, after only a minute or two a small frown appeared on her face as she realized that the scent, while being indeed familiar, wasn't Mac's and another short moment later she opened her eyes.

When she saw that it was Hawkes she couldn't help releasing a low sigh as her mind went back to her argument with Mac.

After a short while she snapped out of her thoughts as Hawkes asked softly,

"You're okay?"

Nodding slightly Peyton replied,

"Yeah, I was just thinking..."

"You slept well?" Seeing Peyton nod Hawkes wanted to know,

"How do you feel?"

She thought for a moment, frowning slightly, eventually she stated,

"I'm okay, Sheldon..."

At that Hawkes frowned doubtful, but before he could say something Peyton's cell phone started ringing and sitting up Peyton turned around, got her cell from the nightstand and took a look at the message.

"Work?" Hawkes mused, causing Peyton to nod. He studied her face for a moment and noticing the exhaustion on her features he offered,

"Listen Peyton, how about I take your shift and you get some more sleep?"

Thinking about his offer Peyton let her head hang for a moment, eventually she told him,

"I appreciate the offer, but I think it's better if I work, besides I doubt I will be able to go back to sleep..."

"You're sure? After all, you've got a concussion."

"Yeah, I'm sure. If I don't work all I would do is think about what happened and I don't think I could take that..."

Hearing that Hawkes nodded slightly and said,

"Okay... But if you change your mind you call me, alright?" Seeing her nod he added,

"Well, how about I make you some coffee while you change?"

Smiling slightly Peyton stated,

"That would be great, thanks, Sheldon..."

Getting up he returned the smile and told her,

"No problem..."

After watching Hawkes leave Peyton got up as well and went to the bathroom to change back into her clothes.

_Tbc_

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_**A/N:**__ Hope you liked this chapter! To be honest getting it done was a __**freakin' NIGHTMARE**__ so you better show me that it was worth it and take the time to let me know what you think - even if you hated the update __**PLEASE**__ review!_


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